May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
