A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
