he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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