i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
