ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
