I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's official drugs can't kill me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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