im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
