and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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