That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we're so committed to being not committed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
