I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
