adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
