Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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