You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
