after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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