dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
