People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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