i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
