I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
