i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
