Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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