12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
