this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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