K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
