i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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