I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
