Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A+ Viking dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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