so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
