I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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