return my video game
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
