You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
