how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
