Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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