It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the raccoons are back...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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