We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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