we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Rumble strips road head = magical
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
