Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
