mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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