i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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