I puked a lego.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
