Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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