Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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