I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
