No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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