FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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