I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
