We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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