My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
