I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We won't sleep together?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
