The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
