You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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